The Doom Song!

A fool fell in love with the wind
an eccentric breeze that brought
much comfort and solace
from the flames around him.
He whispered to it secrets,
words that no one else would know
and laughed in joy, watching
as the wind filled his sails.
In time the wind moved on.
He watched sadly as the wind
filled the sails of others
His companion was gone.
The wind fluttered about
and paid him no heed
the silence and stillness
painful, as he walked alone
he missed the wind, but the wind
did not miss him, or so it seemed,
content with the perfumes
of other suitors and sails.
He was noticed no more.
He cried out to the wind
but it paid no mind or heed
So, he walked alone, watching
as the wind blew quietly
around him, and the flames
soon, slowly consumed him.
The fool burned alone.

The tin man walked a long and lonely road. Many things he passed on by, ignored because they offered nothing of value. Yet, one day he stumbled upon a porcelain doll, shattered upon the ground. He looked upon her, saw her heart and fell in love. Like one caring for a bird with a broken wing, he took to her.

He did his best to piece her back together. She was missing pieces. So, with love and patience, he took some of his own pieces to put her back together, including his own heart. In time, she healed, and became a whole person.

As one, they shared some parts, but remained still as two separate individuals.

They traveled for awhile, and along the way she showed the tin man new light, and he saw more of the world around him than just the road he traveled. They learned from each other. They cared for each other, and fast became the best of friends.

Yet, a day came when she left the tin man, and lovingly he let her take those parts they shared with her. She was happy, full of a new life and freedom. Why would he take that from her? He watched her skip ahead, on his now not so lonely road. Occasionally she would come back to oil the tin man, for through his missing parts, he would quickly rust and soon stop working.

She urged him along, tried her best to help him keep up. The tin man was slow to move, rusting and missing pieces, but he kept on going. He would always be there, right beside her.

The tin man was missing parts, though not for lack of looking. He will find them again. Even though he would have a hard time finding them on his own, as he was usually left to do, he would find them again. As long as she returned from time to time to keep the tin man oiled, he would eventually find all the parts he needed, and they both could soon have a traveling companion, on this long and winding road.

So, I have posted bits and pieces to a story that has been kicking around in my head, and I have decided that I wanted it to start a little differently. So, here is a new take on the same story. It's not much at the moment, but it got the ball rolling, and that is all i was looking to do at this time.

( No Title as of Yet )

Ive had a ton of time to just sit and think today. Originally, I was supposed to go hang out with some friends, and go look at some places in Milton for the near future, hang out, maybe get some food. Well, things carried on without me. I now wished I had not turned down the offer to hang out with someone else back on Monday for today, but hind sight is 20/20. Its not the first time I've had an entire day wasted, or carry on plans without me.

Anyways.....

I have recently moved into a position I have been working towards for the better part of this year. After the end of the month, I will see a sizeable increase to my income. My 401k has gained 30% this year even with the economy, and I finally have a savings account. I even have stock options with the company as of last month. ^_^ Things are finally looking up financially for me, and I hope to take things into a positive direction.

Short term I want to get my savings account over 1000 dollars, and then start another account for travelling purposes. I want to travel, if only around to other parts of the U.S [and if God willing, to fanfest in iceland next year|. I originally had planned to take other people with me in these nomadic endeavors, but it seems there is no one left to go with me. So, I suppose I shall travel solo.

There are a number of placed I would like to see... but time will tell.

I know life is not money, and this is why I can fit all that I own in my car [minus the bed]. I actually would like to start doing something for some of the less fortunate people in the area as well, but I am still waiting to see what doors open up in that area as to what to do to make an impact, or if just to help out a little.

I have also been reevaluating my friendships lately. Taking a look at how much I put into some of my relationships, and seeing how much I get back from them in return. Now, I don't ever ask for or expect anything in return, but I have discovered over the years that the amount of time or investment that is returned is usually an indicator of how strong that friendship is, or in the very least, how important your friendship is to that person. That realization is a little sobering, maybe a little sad as well, but so be it.

The wind has picked up in my sails. I have not pulled anchor yet, but when I do, I can ill afford to turn around, and I probably wont be there when some of them return to find me. I love all of my friends dearly, but I can no longer wait around to find out if the sentiment is mutual.

I don't know where I am going. I am still a broken person for reasons far too many to go into here. Yes, I am lonely most of the time... but so be it. If this is the currency of the world around me, then I have a sizeable credit to work with.

... Meanwhile in the VoIP IRC Chat.

VoIP_AWarrenfells de da de da
VoIP_AWarrenfells do doooo de do do....
VoIP_AWarrenfells Phenomenon.
10:57 CWjschrimshaw BOMP
10:58 VoIP_AWarrenfells Lol
CWjschrimshaw You know what that got stuck in my head?
CWjschrimshaw The muppets song.
VoIP_AWarrenfells XD
CWjschrimshaw Muh-nah-nah-nuh dooo dooooo dee doo doooo
VoIP_AWarrenfells I have infected your braaaaain... from across the country
VoIP_AWarrenfells I am full of win and awesome. XD

I feel that this song says a lot about me in my current state of being right now, in more ways than I can describe right now

There is a time for everything, and a time will come.


Sanctus Real - Whatever you're doing.


It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

[Chorus]
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

[Chorus]

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out

So, the last few days have been a little hard for me. I can deal with breakups. I have dealt with them before, and quite honestly I have gotten numb to them over the years; however, I have a horrible separation anxiety when it comes to my friends, especially ones whom I consider close, and very dear to me. This is all for reasons that I care not to go into any real detail here, but I have a long history of many of my friends in the past eventually going away. I have lost a lot of friends, not any to negativity by one side or the other, just circumstances getting in between us, and both parties usually being pretty crappy at keeping in touch long distance. I have also had the unpleasant history of no longer being friends with nearly every single girl friend that I have had the "un-pleasure" of breaking up with. With that said, I was horrified and scared at the idea of losing Jen as a friend. As a result, I suppose I became a little clingy in that respect. Looking back, I see that most of my reactions to the whole situation were just that, reactionary, and probably poorly judged ones at that. Yet, in my defense, I was scared, full of anxiety about the matter, and I don't deal well with either.

Now that we, well I, have had some time to sit back and reflect on the whole situation, I am a lot more calm and rational about the whole situation. I know that she is still my friend, but my self proclaimed need to be around her so much was not allowing her to deal with her side of the breakup. Even though I probably took it the worst out of the both of us, I would be dumb and blind to think that this didn't cause her any hurt or pain throughout the ordeal.

All in all, I would like to apologize to anyone I may have come off sideways, off kilter, or however you want to put it, towards, for I was not myself. I was having too many emotional associations with Baltimore, and if you don't know what that means, ask me about it sometime, though it is not something I wish to go into too much detail here. Mostly though, I would like to apologize to Jen. I made this whole thing a lot harder on her than it needed to be, and I feel absolutely horrible for it.

If anyone would be so kind as to point her towards this whole post, because she is ignoring me right now, and I can't say I blame her. Just tell her to come and read it... my Journal is open to the public.

All in all, I would just like things to go back to the way they were, as friends... I miss my best friend.

Anyways, I hope everyone is doing well.

So, there is a character that I have been tossing around for awhile. He is a part of an ongoing story that has been unfolding quietly in my head, one of several actually. It is hard to explain when you have a character of your own that you have birthed in your imagination, that needs to be freed by being written. It sounds weird, perhaps a little odd until you start writing it.

Sometimes I wish I didn't have an over active imagination.

Anyways, this is a rough draft beginning of a story that I would like to start writing for one of those characters in my head. More detail will be added later on, but I have the basic image rolled out... as it were.

( Drake Morello )

So, I took a random test on Facebook, and I must say, I have to agree with the description. It is pretty accurate.

Adam completed the quiz "What Famous Literary Character Are You?" with the result Jane Eyre from, well... Jane Eyre!.

You are Jane Eyre from Charlotte Bronte's classic masterpiece. You spend much of your life torn between the desires of your heart and the choices you feel are most logical. You're a smart person who is very resilient, romantic, strong, and forgiving. You have a lot of love to offer people, if they're willing to look past your eccentricities to find it. You spend much of your time in a state of humble, thoughtful silence, yet you're not afraid to get assertive when the situation calls for it. You've never been one to conform to society's rules, even if that means making unpopular decisions. People will try to change you, but you'll never let them. Above all else, you're a Romantic with your own set of beliefs and desires. In the end, everyone knows you're going to make the right decision..

Go figure...

I am going to have to look for the book now so I can read it.

Given that I have a lot less to do lately, I have started poking into various certification paths to see what direction I may be able to take myself career wise. Recently, I have been studying for the CCENT/CCNA certification; however, after taking a number or practice exams for the network+ certification, I have realized that I nearly know almost all the material necessary for that exam, as I easily passed all of the practice exams. Now, yes, I know they are just practice exams, but a Network+ study guide will surely, and easily fill in the blanks.

Once I acquire this piece of paper, I am considering either moving on to finish cramming for the CCENT, and then the CCNA after that, or perhaps the Convergence+ certification, as that covers a lot more networking stuff, as well as VoIP and SIP routing. Which, would be beneficial to me now, and in the long run, as I have recently been moved up to the VoIP support team at work.

In all of this, the hard part is coming up with the money. The books are not cheap, and the exams are a couple hundred each, easily. So, I suppose right now all I can do is work towards that first book, and hope the funds for the test will come along in the next 6 months, or sooner, because I know I can pass that exam. I am comfortable with the idea without even having looked at the book yet.

I like the company I work with, and really don't wish to leave them any time soon, as they are quickly going in many directions, and I would like to see where they go. On the same token however, I am not one to remain idle for long, and expect, no, demand to see some advancement opportunities in the future, or I may have to find someone else who is willing to pay rightly for my services in the IT field.

With that said, the target income ranges from 40k-80k a year with the right pieces of paper, and experience to back them up.

Anyways, this is what has been on my mind recently.

'Nuff said. :P

To anyone I called or texted last night/this morning, I am sorry. I had some kind of night terror, and was pulled full out of sleep, and into a full on panic for no apparent reason whatsoever. The only other time this happened [That I can recall], a friend of mine was killed in South Florida. I guess I was just scared something happened to one of you... that is the only thing I can figure.

Again, my apologies if I disturbed, or woke any of you up, as I have no exact recollection of who I called.

Song: http://www.last.fm/music/Tiësto/_/In+My+Memory?autostart

That summer, we talked endlessly
always, about everything,
fusion, nothing new for you
i felt, hey, under and, cool breezes
the heavenly

face me, sitting in my memory,
hold me, i remember
face me, sitting in my memory,
hold me, i remember

and we argue, constantly
disagree, about everything
distance, nothing new for me
i feel uneasy, under this thing
thoughts away
the heavenly

face me, sitting in my memory,
hold me, i remember
face me, sitting in my memory,
hold me, i remember
i remember

and darkness falls in my eyes
and days are far from rosy now
and if i asked for the sky
would you still shelter me
when the sky falls

i remember
i remember

face me, sitting in my memory,
hold me, i remember
face me, hidden in my memory,
hold me, i remember
i remember
sitting in my memory
i remember

I found this quote from H.Jackson Brown, and thought it worthy of mentioning.

1. Don't do anything that wouldn't make your Mom proud.
2. Work at something you enjoy and that's worthy of your time and talent.
3. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
4. Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
5. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
6. Be generous.
7. Have a grateful heart.
8. Persistence, persistence, persistence.
9. Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary.
10. Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated.
11. Commit yourself to constant improvement.
12. Commit yourself to quality.
13. Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power or prestige, but on relationship with people you love and respect.
14. Be loyal.
15. Be honest.
16. Be a self-starter.
17. Be decisive even it it means you'll sometimes be wrong.
18. Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.
19. Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.
20. Take good care of those you love.

So, I had an exceedingly good day at work today. I have started working on a new team, full of cool and competent people. I get to sit next to, and work in close quarters with our level 2 techs [who are all also really cool as well], and I get to take about half the call volume.

All of this makes me really happy. Most of today was sitting, learning and reading, and watching other people work. :-)

I got off work and attempted to find someone to hang out with, as it is a rare occasion that I am in such a good mood, so I wanted someone to share it with with someone else and hang out....

... aaaaand no response, or everyone was busy. Ok... fine. Ill be happy by myself. :P

As a side note, if anyone would like to make plans that would include me from time to time [whether I can go or not, I mean just the thought that someone even bothered to consider me is nice enough], that would be awesome. :D Otherwise, Ill just be over here. :P No negativity, or hard feelings... Im in a good mood... I am just saying. :-)

Oh, and I got the schedule I wanted. I will be working 130 to midnight, and I get Sunday -Tuesday off. Yay. \o/

So, I know that recently I said I would start playing with new mediums, but I never did get around to it. Though, what I DID end up doing is trying to make good use of my scanner.

I got bored at work one day and started to doodle and came up with the picture that wasn't half bad. I ended up inking it, scanning it, and it ended up turning into my latest deviation called vagabond. I learned a lot of little thing through my process of trial and error in making that picture, things I need to do differently, things to avoid next time, and some spiffy effects and ways to create texture I will save and remember for next time.

One thing that is really cool is the Paint Tool SAI, introduced to me by parchmentheron. I really like how organic the brushes and tools feel when you are using them, and lends themselves towards a more natural and less digital feel when using them. I am excited, and am scrambling for another picture idea. Though, when and if another one comes, we shall have to wait and see. My ideas seem to come in two year intervals. LOL

So, I have had my scanner since last Christmas, and I just never got around to using it. Well, I decided to get off my duff and try and get one of these pictures out of my head. This is my first attempt at anything in the digital realm, and I am pleased with how it turned out. ^_^

It seems that through my words, actions, or lack thereof, I have managed to anger and offend someone very close to me. As a result, I have been put in my place publicly, embarrassed, and I likely deserved it.

This was never my intention.

I fear I have irreparably damaged something precious to me, and all I can say for it is that I am sorry. I hope you will forgive me, but I won't expect it.

I know, words are just words, so I will leave it at that.

  ▲
▲ ▲

A man found an angel
Her wings clipped, and
a face full of tears.
He held her close, and kept
her warm amidst the chills
of brokenheartedness, and pain.
In time he fell in love again.
But soon the angel found her wings
and left again, for better things
taking his heart, he gave to her.
He fell and lay there, watching
waiting till the end of days
staring at the feathers
she left behind.